I decided to start blogging on a day that we weren't sure would ever come. As some of you know Hunter and our family have been learning to live with mental illness for some 11 years now, when Hunter was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Op-positional Defiant Disorder, components of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder as well as Anxiety. This journey has taken us on many roads, some straight and narrow others twisted and still others a never ending uphill climb. I think I knew from the time I was pregnant that this child was going to be unique. Weighing in at 7lbs 4 oz he had the most beautiful brown eyes I had ever seen. The poor thing was riddled with various illnesses including chronic ear infections, a hernia that needed repair, a cystocele and horrible formula intolerance, and later on Asthma. When he was old enough to feed himself we couldn't figure out why he soaked all his food in water or milk before eating it, we later learned it was because his tonsils were so big they were touching each other and it was his way of softening his food so he could swallow it. However, we were blessed that these were all things that we could "fix" or he would outgrow. We just didn't get a lot of sleep those first few years.
Hunter always had his little quirks as a toddler, which we didn't think much of except that they made life a little hard at times. For example he wouldn't go anywhere without wearing a cape. The daycare would have to take it off of him during naptime because they were worried he would strangle himself while sleeping. I remember having to leave work on a few occasions to rescue my sweet mother in law because he would tantrum for hours when his shoelaces wouldn't lay just so. When buying Christmas presents Mike and I would have to make sure that his action figures didn't have any items attached to them such as guns, clothes, hats, or capes that couldn't be removed and replaced easily, or the poor kid wouldn't be able to enjoy his gift, instead he would just cry. He had a way of wandering off without asking or telling anyone where he was going. One day when he was 4-5 years old he was in the front yard playing one minute and GONE the next. I searched the neighborhood for hours had people from our ward out looking for him. Mike finally said it was time to call the police, I was on my hands and knees in my front yard vomiting, thinking, of what could have been. Come to find out he was just at a neighbor boys house in the apartment complex next to our subdivision, and Hunter took his first (but not last) ride in a cop car. And as for "time out"or consequences, those things didn't exist in his world.
Once school started a whole new hell was revealed to us. Don't get me wrong kindergarten was wonderful, he loved his teacher and was top of the class in academics. 1st grade was when teachers started noticing he had a very hard time with rules and sitting still and concentrating. I worked for the most amazing pediatrician and I thought what can it hurt to ask what more we could or should be doing for this complicated little boy.
Dr. Lloyd recommended a trial of Concerta, which we were excited to try. The first day of his new medication we had wanted to take Jake to the library but was always hesitant to take Hunter because you never knew what he would do. Most of the time he wouldn't behave and we would end up leaving or sitting in the car with him. But this day was different, I remember it like it was yesterday. Hunter sat and played on the computers, he read books, he sat still. I thought we had found a miracle.
Things did improve but only for a short time, the behaviors started coming back little by little and we were trying every medication on the market. Most seemed to work for a short time but would always fail. We were sent to see Dr. Sam Goldstein at the Neurology Learning and Behavior Center. Dr. Goldstein did tests with Hunter for 4 hours without any medication. We met with him and he revealed the results, ODD!!!! Unfortunately, his ADHD symptoms were treatable with the medication but ODD was untreatable.
OMG!!!! I quickly learned that society is simply incapable of tolerating a child with this disorder. He was expelled from school and kicked off the bus more times that I care to count. With each passing year I was no longer able to go to parent teacher conferences because you can only hear how disrespectful your child is so many times before you begin to breakdown. Everyone implys that it's your fault as a parent if you would just do this or just do that he will be fine. DO THEY REALLY THINK WE DIDN'T ALREADY TRY THIS AND THAT!!!
Once he made it through elementary without attending one field trip or class party and was hit on the head and told by teachers he would never amount to anything, I luckily only lost my voice screaming at the principal once. We moved on to the ever so wonderful middle schools of Ogden City, NOT.
This is where we lost him. He did not fit in and was not accepted by anyone but a few troubled, latch key kids with gang affiliation. We tried everything we could think of , read books, reached out to doctors, but it was to no avail. Drugs had him now. Home schooling seemed to ease my mind a bit only because I knew where he was but it was devastating to our relationship. He began to act out more, I think because of his lack of socialization. Then the legal trouble set in.
Watching your baby boy, being frisked and handcuffed and taken to a juvenile detention facility was when I hit rock bottom. I wan't sure he would ever be able to learn from his mistakes and I began to wonder if this was all there was for my child's future.
6 months ago, Hunter was given the option to willingly enter into the Drug Court program or risk being taken out of our home and put in Community Placement. This program is rigorous, and requires intense therapy sessions as well as groups 3 days a week, parenting classes, random U.A.'s and court bi-weekly. After a few slip ups we saw this amazing person not only succeeding but excelling. He is currently working on graduating, getting a drivers license and he has a job, and most importantly staying clean!!!!! I know we still have a long and winding road ahead, but for now I'm enjoying the ride.
